What can you expect from your first session?
Naturally you may nervous or have some trepidation about attending couples counselling for the first time. Many people experience some apprehension before the session but soon relax and find the experience both supportive & beneficial.
The first session is a little different to the other ones as the therapist needs to get to know you both and understand the problems you have been experiencing.
I will ask you some questions about your concerns spending roughly equal time between the two of you.
You will have an opportunity to ask any questions about the process towards the end of the session.
Continuing sessions will involve you and your partner engaging in couple talk with the therapist helping you both to listen, feedback and understand one another instead of getting caught up with your own reactions.
Previous clients have found having an objective, neutral and unbiased professional at hand to mediate their concerns has allowed them to express their wants & needs in an open and constructive manner.
Couples counsellors are trained to be unbiased in approach spending roughly equal time listening to and asking each partner for their concerns regarding their relationship.
You will have an equal opportunity to express your pain & hurt as well as exploring your needs & wants and how you would like the relationship to change.
While it might sound intimidating to go and speak to a professional about your relationship most couples who go in with an open mind and a willingness to address the issues in their partnership report a sense of relief at finally being able to share their concerns with another person.
Read the steps below to get an idea of how the first session will run........
- You don't need to prepare or bring anything to the first session. The counsellor will have spoken to one of the partners already by telephone to get a sense of the issues affecting the relationship. You may want to think through some of the problems you have been experiencing and what you want to gain from couples counselling.
- Some of the first session will involve the counsellor drawing up some boundaries with each of you to ensure the session is safe, well managed and beneficial for both parties. For example the counsellor may ask each person to address their comments to them rather than the other partner; this can help each partner to listen to the other whilst ensuring their own concerns are heard by the counsellor.
- The counsellor will explain some policies to the couple including confidentiality & its limits, mandatory reporting for child abuse and their privacy policy as all counsellors need to ask permission from their clients to hold clients' personal information
- You will be informed about the counsellor's cancellation policy, the fee and payment details alongside the counsellor asking you for some basic personal details such as your contact details
- You will be told a little bit about the some of the approaches the counsellor will take; common methods include looking at the relationship as a whole and the patterns adopted by each partner, identifying when problems started to occur, the family relationship history & ways of moving forward in the relationship
- In the first session I try to give my clients a taste of what the therapy will be like instead of it just being an information gathering approach.
So what type of questions will the therapist ask me?
Firstly the counsellor will ask you for a brief history of your relationship and ask you about some of the issues and problems you have been experiencing.
In the first session some of the typical questions may be:
- What has bought you to couples counselling today?
- What happens when you try to talk to your partner about your concerns?
- When did you first start experiencing problems in your relationship?
- Have you ever had counselling before?
- What have you done to solve the issues you are currently experiencing?
The counsellor will seek to understand the current problems experienced by you both whilst getting an overall of the historical context of your partnership. An experienced counsellor will narrow down the focus to identify the main concerns impacting your relationship.
By the end of the session you should be feeling more at ease and be left with a clear sense of hope that your relationship can move forward.
If you are still not sure you can telephone me now on 0432 023 481 for a FREE 10 minute consultation about how couples counselling can help improve your relationship
What happens in subsequent sessions?
Couples Counselling is a structured and well organised process where the therapist and clients work together to agree on suitable strategies to achieve success. There is a clear path to be followed with the sessions usually taking place on a weekly basis.
In a typical session the counsellor will ask the two of you to speak to each other about your concerns; one of you will be the speaker and the other will listen and give feedback. You will both have the opportunity to be the speaker and the listener during the session.
Making sure you feel comfortable and relaxed and providing a safe environment for couples to express their deepest concerns is my overall aim. You will have the opportunity to tell your side of the story concerning the problems and issues you are experiencing in the relationship. You will be given the opportunity to disagree with your partner and your opinion will be listened to.
Some typical tasks might include:
- Re-visiting a recent argument you both had and talking about it in a different way
- Sharing your feelings with your partner
- Discussing difficult topics together that have never been resolved
- Identifying any patterns of behaviour in the relationship like withdrawing or getting angry
- Practising assertiveness & asking for what you want
- Identifying your needs & how they can be met in the relationship
- Listening to your partner's needs and wants whilst giving feedback to them
- Linking your past family relationship history with your current relationship
The counsellor will offer you some feedback throughout the session regarding your relationship and how the session is going. You will often be asked to complete some tasks at home between sessions to help maximise the effectiveness of the therapy. An example would be to do something special for the other person or spend ten minutes completing an activity together. The counsellor will ask you to feedback about the homework in the next session to see how you went.
How many sessions of counselling should we have?
I use a short term approach to couples counselling with anywhere between 8-20 sessions. Most of my clients come to approximately 10 sessions on a weekly basis and then may opt to come less frequently or a few months down the track for a refresher session.
The length of counselling depends upon many factors including the nature of the couples' issues, the degree of severity, whether external support is available, financial and personal commitment to the process.
Ultimately it depends upon you and your partner's needs and the pace you would like to work at.
By the end of your therapy you will have a range of strategies in place to manage conflict, maintain intimacy and feel validated in your relationship.
You will need to give the therapist at least one session's advanced notice of your intention to finish the counselling so closure for both parties can be achieved in a final meeting.
Do you want to be heard & supported by your partner every time you raise a concern?
What to do now
You can contact me now on 0432 023 481 for a FREE confidential 10 minute discussion about your relationship needs or email using our contact page.
Contact
0432 023 481
Meet the therapist
Samantha Mathews Member of the Australian Counselling Association reg: 8203
Location
Neutral Bay Counselling Centre
Fees
check out our fees including concession rates
ACA
Member of the Australian Counselling Association reg: 8203